What should parents do?
Stop bullying before it starts. Let everyone know (your child and his friends, school personnel, the bus driver, sports coach… everyone!) that you are on the prowl for signs of bullying and that you expect everyone else to do the same. Preventing and stopping bullying is a shared responsibility, and one that is not voluntary. Ask to see the school-wide no-bullying policy (if they don’t have one, insist that they create one!) and ask that the details regarding recognizing and reporting, consequences, and prevention activities be shared frequently with parents and faculty.
Use the word “bullying” with your child; make sure they know what it means. They may not know that the hurtful behavior they are being forced to endure is wrong, mistaking it for “attention” or “acceptance” from peers. If your child is the one doing the bullying, help them to understand the negative impact it has on their status (which is often why they engage in bullying behavior in the first place). And if they are bystanders when bullying is taking place, help them to know what options they have — doing nothing not being one of them — without fear of being targeted themselves.
Help your child know what to do, and assure them that they will not get in trouble. The perceived consequences of “tattling” could be keeping your child from sharing their bullying experiences. Help your child know the difference between “tattling” and “reporting an incident of bullying.” This is equally important for children who are being victimized, who are themselves the aggressor, or who are bystanders and not speaking up on behalf of those directly involved.
Know your rights and don’t be afraid to exercise them. The U.S. government, under both education and civil rights law, recognizes that bullying and harassment are forms of discrimination. Include a goal about bullying in your child’s Individualized Education Program (IEP); ask about bullying at every parent teacher conference; and if bullying issues are not properly addressed, be prepared to file a formal complaint with the Office of Civil Rights. None of these actions are excessive or inappropriate to ensure the safety and well-being of your child.
There are lots of topics about which children, parents, and school personnel might disagree, but there should be no question that every individual deserves respect and that it is everyone’s responsibility to protect the physical and emotional well-being of every child, treating them as valued and respected members of the community.
